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I think of her as angel Yeun.

I know I could have lived 100 years with her in the dorm room we shared at the University of Maryland and never felt angry with her. To get angry with Yeun Lee, an exchange student from South Korea, would have seemed profane, like getting angry with a baby ? pure and innocent.

While I often feel uncomfortable with silence, Yeun loved the quiet. She moved about the room noiselessly, reminding me of a graceful Indian squaw, using as few words as possible, while laughing and speaking in soft soothing tones that were almost whispers.

Yeun, a family studies major, even shunned words to praise others for their kindness or generosity. She just felt the praise deep in her heart and communicated it with her eyes, which seemed much more natural and sincere and much more effective than the endless barrage of praise I dispensed out so profusely as a former elementary school teacher, trained in using praise to reinforce good behavior.

Remembering her and other Asians from Korea, China and Japan, I am awed by the power of philosophy to mold culture. Their way of life seems to flow straight from pages penned over 2,000 years ago by the ancient Asian sages, Confucius and Buddha. The Chinese had a third great influence, that of Lao-tzu, the first philosopher of the Tao. British archeologist Michael Wood said, "The later Chinese came to believe that these three philosophies contained the essential ideals of civilization and that without any one of them life would be unbalanced." Buddha taught them to love the quiet:

"His thoughts are quiet, his words and deeds are quiet, he who has become a quiet man. ... Wise people, after they have listened to the laws, become serene, like a deep, smooth, and still lake."

Buddha called "idle talk" one of the four sins of the tongue.

Asians, seem to "feed on happiness" to borrow a phase spoken by Gautama Buddha. My room-mate Yeun was smiling every time I spoke to her except once, as if love ever flowered in her heart. A Chinese woman with a PhD doing conducting research at NIH said, "If you get on a bus in China everyone is smiling," as though she was deeply disappointed with America. " We' re going back to China," she said.

A tall and pleasant Chinese man named Yue also extols the deep joy of the Chinese people "China is just like heaven," he tells me often as though he just can not say it enough.

Loving others deeply and unselfishly is the core of the wisdom of Confucius, Buddha and Lao-tzu. The teachings of Confucius, who lived about 500 years before Christ, might be called the study of "jen" -- the Chinese word referring to the kinship of all people -- the idea that all people are brothers and sisters and should therefore love each other joyously from the innermost parts of the heart. He taught that the kinship of people is so close that whatever affects one person in the human family affects all. Thus, when we help others, we are helping ourselves as well. He said the measure of a person's greatness is the extent of the development of "jen" in him or her.

Lao-tzu emphasized the great humility of love: "Heaven endures and earth is lasting. And why can heaven and earth endure and be lasting?

Because they do not live for themselves. On that account they endure. Therefore the holy man puts his person behind and his person comes to the front."

In Buddhism, the highest state of consciousness, Nirvana, is where the person has eliminated all limits to love, said Rabindranath Tagore, a Noble Prize winning author. It is attained not just by eliminating evil thoughts and deeds, but also by "losing ones self in a uniting truth which is love itself," he said.

Few people in China accept Buddhism as a religion, though almost everyone takes a little Buddhism just as a philosophy," said a serene and radiant Chinese female attending the University of Maryland. "Some take more than others," she said. "It's a heritage."

Buddhism started out just as philosophy -- not as a religion said an engineering student from Taiwan named Sandy Chang. She said Buddha was a Prince who was distressed by the sufferings of the people. She said he sat under a tree for more than a year meditating until he found enlightenment. She said Confucianism is not a religion and that most Asians are atheist.

Confucius and Buddha taught Asians a distaste for complaining. Confucius wrote: "A wise and good man is composed and happy; a fool is always worried and full of distress." "How much heroism is in that man! [Speaking of his favorite disciple Yen Hui.] He did not lose his cheerfulness even though he had only one meal a day to eat, though he had only water to drink and though he lived in the lowest hovels of the city."

Buddha wrote: I call indeed a brahmana who is "bright like the moon, pure, serene and undisturbed."

William J. Lederer, told about Korean serenity in his book called A Nation of Sheep: "I have been in the Korean winter, shivering and teeth chattering, my nostrils hurting from the cold, my fingers and toes numb. I saw elderly Korean women wearing comparatively scanty clothing, plodding through ice and snow in what looked like flimsy ballet slippers. Despite the fact that their nation was at war, their countryside bombed, their larders empty, their clothing inadequate, and the weather freezing, these women moved along cheerfully, their backs straight, their cheeks pink -- refusing to acknowledge that all was not well with the world and themselves."

I observed this same mindset in Yeun. I never heard her breath a word of complaint, though [ know she was suffering tremendously. She missed her fiance; and weeks before exams she would study until the early morning hours, night after night, struggling to understand her English textbooks.

She portrayed a depth of gentleness and humility I've never really seen before in an adult. She avoided the word "no" as though it was too disappointing, too conflicting, too blunt. From time to time I asked her, "Yeun, do you want to go to the grocery store with me?" If she simply smiled and said nothing, the answer was no.

She seemed unwilling to oppose another's will, to make another lose face, to confront another or to conflict with anyone. When she disagreed with me or wanted to correct me, she would just give a subtle hint. She also avoided arrogant assertions of opinion.

It seems we Americans sometimes believe others will not change unless they are coerced or forced. So, many of us find ourselves confronting others -- sometimes with angry tones -- and many parents find themselves using an intimidating voice of authority and resorting to spanking. But the Asian mindset is different.

"We do not express our anger," said Young Mi Lee, 30, a Korean counselor. A Japanese female named Misa Kemmiya, who is studying public affairs at the University of Maryland, said Japanese mothers basically do not spank their children. She said they talk and explain things to them instead.

Confucius taught Asians to put great confidence in the power -- the influence -- of example in motivating change. He wrote:

"From the loving example of one family, a whole State becomes loving, and from its courtesies, the whole state becomes courteous, while from the ambition and perversenessof the one man, the whole State may be led to rebellious disorder; such is the nature of influence." "Where a wise and good man lives, there will be no want of refinement." "When the ancient Emperor Shun came to the government of the Empire and, selecting from among the people, advanced Kao Yao to be Minister of justice: from that moment all immoral people disappeared."

De-emphasizing external force, Confucius wrote:
"If they be led by laws, and uniformity sought to be given them by punishments, they will try to avoid the punishment, but have no sense of shame. If they be led by virtue, they will have the sense of shame, and more over will become good."

Buddha wrote:
"He who, seeking his own happiness, strikes beings who also long for happiness, will not find happiness after death." "Your voice should always be gentle and sweet."

Exalting humility as opposed to aggressiveness, the mystic Lao-tzu wrote: * 'The softest things in the world rides right over the hardest things in the world."

"It is the way of heaven not to strive, and yet it knows how to overcome; not to speak, and yet it knows how to obtain a response, it calls not and things come of themselves." "The wise person does not make demands on others." "Winning arguments is not being excellent."

Perhaps these teachings are what inspired the rich tradition of Asians of putting inspirational examples before their children. This literature often encourages feminine modesty and shyness. For instance, one story said: "The girl's face flushed scarlet enhancing her beauty greatly. She lowered her head in the dainty maidenly way upon hearing a topic of such delicacy." I noticed that my former Korean room-mate, Yeun, often held her head low and covered her mouth with her hand in deep embarrassment when she did not understand my English.

Along with good examples, Japanese mothers win the cooperation of their children with what they call "amae" sweetness. A Japanese woman named Shusuke Kobayashi, who came to the United States to study at Harvard University, wrote a dissertation on Japanese childrearing. She wrote that Japanese mothers want to "insure spontaneous compliance with maternal instructions that will be experienced by the child as voluntary rather than coerced."

She said Japanese mothers "prefer indirect verbal instructions, such as hints and suggestions, to direct ones, such as commands and imperatives." She said they resort to commands and imperatives only when hints and suggestions have not worked. She said when Japanese mothers do use commands and imperatives, they "soften" them so they sound "less harshly demanding." They rarely directly "confront or embarrass the child," she said, adding, they are seeking to maintain "close emotional ties with their children to motivate learning." She said Japanese mothers believe harshness will make the child stubborn and endanger the "mother-child bond."

Commenting on this dissertation about Japanese mothers, Ms. Lee, the Korean counselor, said child rearing in Korea is similar to this, but that Korean mothers will spank a child if he or she repeatedly refuses to obey.

She said Korean mothers often compromise with their children. If, for instance, the child complains that he or she hates beans, she said the mother may tell him or her she will only cook them two or three times in the week instead of every day, explaining that beans have many vitamins. Ms. Lee, who has lived in the United States five years, said a child in Korea learns the Confucian value of filial piety (respect for parents) by observing how respectfully his or her parents behave to their parents. (The family usually lives with the father's parents.) She said when Koreans talk to their parents they look down while slightly bending the head down. She said it would be impolite to "stare into the eyes of a parent ? It would be like talking back."

Furthermore, she said most Korean people do not express their opinions if elderly people are in the room -- especially if they have different opinions from the elderly people. Also, when entering a room, a person speaks to any elderly people in the room first.

A biochemistry student at the University of Maryland from South Korea, named Joong Cho, said people in Korea do not argue with their parents as they do in America.

Ms. Lee said the South Korean way of life is changing, but the older people do not want them to forget the old days. So she said they have a holiday almost every year to remember the past. On this day she said they wear the traditional clothes, listen to the elderly people talk about the old days and play old fashioned games. A few ways she said life is changing is that women and girls now sit at the same table with the men and boys at meals, they now sleep on beds instead of tatami mats and eat at western style tables rather than at tables close to the floor. She also said some young people are losing their respect for the elderly and that many parents are now allowing teenagers to date in high school.

David Zhao, an engineering student from China studying at the University of Maryland said the schools in China still do not allow teenagers to date. He said a boy he knew got suspended from high school for posing for a picture with his arm around a girl. He said the boy was sent home by the school's director of student services for a month to "study ethics. He said "schools are beginning to allow college students to date."

A distinguished Chinese scientist in his 50's named David long, who was studying for six weeks at the University of Maryland, indicated that students have plenty of opportunities to relate to the opposite sex. He said they talk at the community public garden, though they are not allowed to date.

David Zhao, who has a wide grin and sparkling eyes expressed amazement over a poll he read revealing that high percentages of teenagers in America are sexually active. In contrast, a Chinese mathematics researcher in his thirties named Yin-Tzer Shih, said an unmarried Chinese female never lets a male touch her. She will not even hold hands with a male, he said.

Perhaps this custom dates back 2,000 years ago to Lao-tzu's teaching not to "contemplate what kindles desire to keep the heart unconfused" and Buddha's teaching that "he who is free from lust is free from grief and fear."

Joong Cho, the biochemistry student, who seemed to have an unshakeable depth of calmness and joy, said people "think badly of you" if they see you with pornography. Some buy it, he said, but they keep it hidden. Ms. Lee, the Korean counselor, said when the government South Korea finds pornography, obscene movies or violent movies, they take them. But she said these materials can be purchased underground.

Joong Cho said he was stunned when he saw homosexuals in America, adding, he never heard of homosexuality in Korea. Because homosexuality is so rare or nonexistent in Korea, people are able to be more intimate with the same sex without arousing suspicions. When Young Mi Lee came to the United States, she was told not to hold hands with her female friends in public as friend? do in Korea, since people will think she is lesbian.

In continuing to describe differences in American and Korean culture, Joong Cho said people in Korea are more reserved than people in America, adding, they do not tell other people their emotional problems. "They solve it in their mind by themselves." This tradition is probably rooted in the teaching of Confucius that "a wise man is sociable, but not familiar, while a fool is familiar but not sociable.

Joong Cho said when his father was young he studied the Confucius ethics extensively and now teaches them to him. But unlike Americans who often have just one philosophy, such as Christianity, he said his family is Christian as well as Confucian. This broad-mindedness, which is characteristic of Asians, may have influenced by Confucius, who spoke out several times against "narrow mindedness and bigotry" in men.

Joong Cho told how Confucian traditions came to have such great influence in Korea. He said during the Chosen Dynasty, which ended after World War II, people had to pass a really difficult test on Confucian ethics to become a government leader or a member of the noble class. He said even poor people could become members of the noble class if they passed this difficult test.

Joong Cho said the noble class in the Chosen Dynasty dressed differently than the common people. Both the noble class and the commoners wore white, he said, adding, "Koreans love white."

But he said the noble class, which was about two fifths of society, had a different coat. Also, he said women of the noble class hide their face with a veil when they went out, and that people in this class wrote poetry.

Confucius probably influenced the tradition of writing poetry when he taught that poetry "calls out sentiment, stimulates observation, enlarges the sympathies and makes us acquainted with nature."

Habits of writing poetry may have influenced the deep appreciation for nature often attributed to Asians. Joong Cho said Koreans like to build a small house with natural materials between two rocks with a water fall nearby to enjoy. He said they do not like to destroy nature, by, for instance, tearing down a mountain to build a building. But he said South Korean society is changing and that people in the cities are losing their respect for nature.

A Korean woman named Jennifer Kim, who works in language translation, said in the olden days, when most people were farmers living close to the earth, they would often make up songs about nature. She said they also made up songs when they went to the sea. "Not anything fancy."

Confucius, who was one of the most learned men of his day, helped mold Asia into a region with great reverence for learning. He warned students against "study without understanding" teaching them that it is not enough to "learn facts," that they must be able to "arrive at principles" from their learning and apply the principles under exceptional circumstances.

The Asian students at the University of Maryland can be seen in large numbers studying on Friday nights and Saturday nights while American students are partying. A few weeks before exams, my room mate Yeun would study with other Asians until the early morning hours night after night. Also, many of Asian students are studying in difficult technical fields such as engineering and math. We are studying hard "so the family name will not be ashamed," said Stewart Tsai, an engineering student from Taiwan, studying at the University of Maryland. (An American named Sandra, who has lived in many Asian countries, said Asians are always trying to eliminate the" I" for the "we".)

Because of this great interest in scholastics, sports are not emphasized said David Zhao, the engineering Student mentioned above. Parents in China want their children to invest their energies in studying to prepare for a career instead of in sports.

Though sports (and beauty pageants) are not emphasized, Young Mi Lee, the Korean counselor, said competition in Korean schools is intense. She said two or three times each semester a list is posted showing how the students ranked on a test, with the highest scoring person listed first and the lowest scoring person listed last. The top scoring 500 students go to the best university.

"Everybody wants to go to Seoul University," said Kiseog Ko, a political science major from South Korea.

Ms. Lee said schools in Korea have quizzes every day. And, she said when high schools let out at five or six o'clock, there are supplemental classes that continue on until 10 or 11 p.m. She said students are required to attend these as well. She said the jr. high school supplemental classes let out at seven or eight in the evening.

The Chinese, Japanese and North Koreans put great emphasis on equality. In the book Making Common Sense of Japan. Steven R. Reed said Japan has a flat income distribution with "very small differences among the classes." My Chinese friend, Yue Dou, said in his country, Communist China, has struggled with such poverty due to overpopulation, that until recently the wages of the workers had to be completely the same. He said recently the government has recently been able to pay technical workers, such as engineers, more than other workers. But he said in the ten percent of society that is capitalist there is great inequity.

David Jong, the scientist from China, said the huge gap between the rich and the poor was the most distressing thing he noticed when he came to the USA. This is "not good," he said.

David Zhao, the engineering student, said when Chinese students have lived in the United States for a long time "money becomes number one." He said they become selfish and not open to friendship, adding, "they look down on you." i There are many things Americans can learn from the ancient cultures of Asia.



Many Asian cultures have rich traditions of using stories to teach character. Below is a video I made of a story from Korea to teach children to live in harmony.

If we go into the schools to read chilren wonderful character-building stories, We can eliminate gang violence among our children.







The Chinese have a rich ancient culture steeped in wisdom.

It didn't happen by accident. The people carefully cultivated this flowering of civilization over thousands of years with numerous festivals with symbolic meaning, respect for sages -- living and dead, an abundance of stories used in the schools and homes to teach children, youth and adults respect for elders and other values -- parables, fables, tales and biographies -- dramatizations and dances that tell stories rich in meaning, proverbs written in calligraphy hanging on walls in homes and public places and put in fortune cookies and a great emphasis on the study of excellent philosophy desiminated to all the people etc.

So great was the inward development among the people that only .4 marriages in 1000 ended in divorce, according to Chinese government statistics. That's not even 1 per 2000.

But that was in 1985.

Something has gone awry. Today, one in five marriages ends in divorce, according to the Chinese government. (In the U.S.A, it is one in two.)

What happened? Could it be the trade agreements forcing open China's markets to our media -- media that uses the world's most beautiful and glamorous people to glorify anger, yelling, sexual immorality, immodesty, violence and every kind of vice?

In one class at UMD, I learned that soft porn is being shown in China, by satellite, against the government's wishes,
Example is the most powerful means of teaching we know of.

Extra-marital affairs have become a rising cause of divorce in China, especially in large cities, where people have become more tolerant of extra-marital affairs, according to Tang Jun, a social development researcher with the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences.

Could it also be the drastic inequity, unemployment and social disorder of capitalism that the West imposed on the Chinese using trade agreements? Or was it all of these things?

Nonetheless, there is still much we can learn from the East.









In this video, you will see the amazing creativity of the people of Bali in Indonesia, who nurture their culture on a daily basis by using stories that teach wisdom, which they depict in their dances, art work and shadow puppet shows.

Everyone is Bali is an artist.

Notice that no one is wearing blue jeans.